We always aspire to establish a safe and successful life, but do you realize this is mostly in your mindset? Most of us would prefer to assume that the behavior and acts of our spouse alone dictates our success in a relationship, but we still contribute to the wellbeing of the couple. If we have a pessimistic outlook about ourselves and life, we would bring it into our relationships. When we do have a closed mind, whether we continue to, we would not be able to adjust and adapt. Given the literacy rate and poverty in Pakistan, we have stopped thinking over the lines where we can significantly contribute to the society and its people. To make it worse, we still have not come out of the ridiculous traditions of the subcontinent and want to remain stuck in the past.
Our perception ultimately defines all else as our mind constructs our truth. We are what we say. As a positive attitude, it adds good interpersonal ties to your life, which helps you to make great friends and build the future that you desire. In our country where relationships are severely dictated by external factors, we need insights on how to make our lives better and smoother for people around!
Here in this piece of writing, my emphasis is going to be how a growth mindset can help relationships.
So, I recently came around this podcast by Carol Dweck, The Power of Yet, and I was amazingly surprised to hear the plethora of information available over this concept. Yet I come across several learned people, with stacks of books lying around them but getting no essence or basic concepts of life!
The healthiest marriages have two separate, stable, and content people, who desire the best for themselves and their families. Some tension and conflicts in marriages arise whenever two separate individuals come together and expect the partnership to heal them. We have a bad outlook but hope that they can eventually transform them into a better individual. Unfortunately, it doesn’t operate like that. High expectations such as bridging the gap between house members without barely knowing the spouse is a serious mistake.
Your mind plays a vital role if you want a good partnership. Psychologist Carol Dweck from Stanford explores in depth on development thought and how that plays a part in interactions. The disparity is clarified by her in her podcast where she says: “In a fixed mindset, people believe their basic qualities, like their intelligence or talent, are simply fixed traits. They spend their time documenting their intelligence or talent instead of developing them. They also believe that talent alone creates success — without effort. They’re wrong.
In a growth mindset, people believe that their most basic abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work — brains and talent are just the starting point. This view creates a love of learning and a resilience that is essential for great accomplishment. Virtually all great people have had these qualities.”
Therefore, in the growth mindset, you have an individual who wants to change, accomplish more, and making the commitment and determination needed to achieve their goals.
It is very much applicable to relationships, work, knowledge, etc. Such people know they can achieve more with consistent hard work and dedication that they’ll survive because they don’t want to stagnate. However, Many with fixated mindsets and beliefs don’t believe they should alter their ways towards life, so they don’t even bother to look at things from a different perspective or they generally want to run away from their realities.
During my personal and professional life, I have come across several individuals who don’t want to learn! Constructive criticism coming there is like a bomb exploding on their minds which disturbs their false egos creating chaos in relationships.
Two individuals with a fixated mind together will only bring each other down. Projecting their weaknesses upon other followed by consistently making the other person inferior and not good enough. Such exposure significantly reduces the motivation and energy left in someone to improve themselves. They will accept mediocrity but not learn to go outside their comfort zone to help and lift themselves. Such people can’t help themselves, how will they be able to take relationships forward?
Carol, when questioned on the podcast responded that “When people are in a fixed mindset, hard work means you’re just not good at this. Because people who are smart or talented, they don’t have to sweat. And when we’re told we’re so smart as kids, we come to equate that with not having to work hard like these ‘lesser’ people. But, wow, does that curtail your chances in life!”
She discusses more how this mindset will impact relationships by saying ” “If something goes wrong, who’s to blame? Am I the deficient, bad person, or are you the deficient, bad person?” says Carol. “Every relationship has its ups and downs, so when you’re having a down, does this mean the relationship is inherently bad vs. good? In a fixed mindset, we’re always judging. Who’s good? Who’s bad? Who’s right? Who’s wrong? Who’s to blame? Is the relationship good or bad? This is not the optimal way to be. Instead, in a growth mindset, you understand that if you face and discuss an issue, then the relationship can get even stronger.”
Basically, in both these mindsets, one talks about being stagnant being not susceptible, and not appreciative of change while the other is willing to look at the broader picture, willing to take calculated risks to put in an effort in relationships and go beyond comfort territories.
Everything in the world grows endlessly, and if we do not seek to improve ourselves, we will ultimately become selfish and closed-minded, therefore commit yourselves to a rising mind and look not just at your immediate relationships but learn to look the brighter side of your life!
Disclaimer: The views expressed in the article are the author’s own and do not necessarily reflect Dunya News’ editorial stance.