Stop Arranging Arranged Marriages

A few days earlier, a very dear colleague of mine disclosed the issue with me that how she was rejected by a guy’s family on the plea that she is not that much tall. She told it all between a burst of tears rolling over her cheeks that how she was “decorated” to look beautiful to guy’s family but was rejected. She was lamenting her good nature and education that were of no use in getting her married. Are we living in 21st century? Is marriage nothing more than assessing others on looks or searching a “chand jesi larki or beautiful larka” etc?

In sub-continent arranged marriages should be abolished. At first site, the statement seems whimsical as arranged marriages are an integral part of our culture and the couples with arranged marriage are still considered “Baa-Haya”.

But, here is the bleak aspect of arranged marriage that overwhelms all of its so called positive facets. It’s quite common that here when a boy gets employment, his family starts finding rather EXPLORING a beautiful, educated but young and in some cases a well off bride.

Now this EXPLORATION of beautiful what the mother and sister of that guy call CHAND JESI LARKI, is not less than a hard nut to crack for the parents of a girl and particularly for the girl herself, who is going to marry that guy. Those LARKAY WALAY scan each and every aspect of girl in presence of both families, starting from physical features, her complexion, and height to the age of girl and even family status. And at the end they go back without any response which is clear indication that the girl is rejected and in some cases reject her by pointing out physique, beauty or age of that girl. It is from a guy’s point of view.

Now what happens to the girl and her family is even worthy of condemnation. When the family of guy informs the family of a girl that they are coming to SEE their daughter. This announcement is enough to make the girl’s family get Highly Alert. The girl is adored fully so that she couldn’t get rejected by the mother and sister of guy. Different food items are prepared, it takes a lot of time and money as well. But when the girl is rejected or not given any response from the guy’s family, it is enough to disgrace that future bride. She is disgraced in the eye of her family, her relatives and she herself develops an inferiority complex about her looks.

I think leading causes of depression includes this system of arranged marriages. The girl can’t recover her full confidence after every RISHTA for her and with every other rejection from LARKAY WALAY increases this anxiety and belief that she lacks something, she is incomplete and has a lot of drawbacks.

In the age of social media and electronic media, the standards to find bride are elevated forgetting that the situation shown on media is nothing more than a pre-planned show and it has nothing to do with real life.

At least the system of arranged marriage should be discouraged ONLY due to this method of seeing RISHTA that just wastes money, time and most importantly hurt the feelings of someone. Mothers of sons should keep in mind that they are not selecting a showpiece rather they are going to decide about the biggest decision of their sons’ lives. They are going to find a wife, a responsible mother not a beauty symbol or fashion icon. They should keep in mind that if that “Chand Jesi” behaves inappropriately with her or her son, she would forget all her charming looks.

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  1. Ghania Nisar says

    A great piece to open eyes, but the need of an hour is that a girl should start taking a stand for herself. This is an era when women got educated, not like a decade ago where she was illiterate but need to change a perception of people.

  2. Khan says

    Nadia BATOOL FROM WHERE I star and end …. women can play a vital role in rebuilding this society again whether she performs the role of a mother sister or daughter….. so find out why women become enemy of other women.

  3. Ahmed says

    Totally agree with you but what should be the alternative method from a female’s point of view?

  4. Rana Faisal says

    Superb blog
    Keep it up

  5. faraz says


    girls also has rights to reject if she don’t like the guy this permission is given by islam to women , this is very shameful hing that girl and boy sit together or in front of each other for not a good enough time which is prohibited by islam again islam give the respect to women lovely, this sights is for some short moments where a girl see once a guy who bring proposal and has a right to agree and reject so the guy too girls should not do makeups when such sight seeing happen neither the guy this is very important that both look natural and no one try to deceive any one with artificial makeovers which is haram and bad be good and look simple because ALLAH created every thing beautiful and purposeful

    but in today era parents try to hire rishtay walee aunty to manage some rishta for there daughter in this case term proposal from guy change to invitation by girl parents to look her daughter and marry plz why this happening ??

    arrange marriages are best with big reasons i would not say re evaluate it but must say evaluate it

  6. Aditi Gupta says

    More distressing is the exchange of dowry that takes place, making marriage more like a transaction. Even though most girls today are financially independent, dowry is still highly prevalent.

  7. Asif Khan says

    Pakistani women are way more shallow about looks.

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