A few days earlier, a very dear colleague of mine disclosed the issue with me that how she was rejected by a guy’s family on the plea that she is not that much tall. She told it all between a burst of tears rolling over her cheeks that how she was “decorated” to look beautiful to guy’s family but was rejected. She was lamenting her good nature and education that were of no use in getting her married. Are we living in 21st century? Is marriage nothing more than assessing others on looks or searching a “chand jesi larki or beautiful larka” etc?
In sub-continent arranged marriages should be abolished. At first site, the statement seems whimsical as arranged marriages are an integral part of our culture and the couples with arranged marriage are still considered “Baa-Haya”.
But, here is the bleak aspect of arranged marriage that overwhelms all of its so called positive facets. It’s quite common that here when a boy gets employment, his family starts finding rather EXPLORING a beautiful, educated but young and in some cases a well off bride.
Now this EXPLORATION of beautiful what the mother and sister of that guy call CHAND JESI LARKI, is not less than a hard nut to crack for the parents of a girl and particularly for the girl herself, who is going to marry that guy. Those LARKAY WALAY scan each and every aspect of girl in presence of both families, starting from physical features, her complexion, and height to the age of girl and even family status. And at the end they go back without any response which is clear indication that the girl is rejected and in some cases reject her by pointing out physique, beauty or age of that girl. It is from a guy’s point of view.
Now what happens to the girl and her family is even worthy of condemnation. When the family of guy informs the family of a girl that they are coming to SEE their daughter. This announcement is enough to make the girl’s family get Highly Alert. The girl is adored fully so that she couldn’t get rejected by the mother and sister of guy. Different food items are prepared, it takes a lot of time and money as well. But when the girl is rejected or not given any response from the guy’s family, it is enough to disgrace that future bride. She is disgraced in the eye of her family, her relatives and she herself develops an inferiority complex about her looks.
I think leading causes of depression includes this system of arranged marriages. The girl can’t recover her full confidence after every RISHTA for her and with every other rejection from LARKAY WALAY increases this anxiety and belief that she lacks something, she is incomplete and has a lot of drawbacks.
In the age of social media and electronic media, the standards to find bride are elevated forgetting that the situation shown on media is nothing more than a pre-planned show and it has nothing to do with real life.
At least the system of arranged marriage should be discouraged ONLY due to this method of seeing RISHTA that just wastes money, time and most importantly hurt the feelings of someone. Mothers of sons should keep in mind that they are not selecting a showpiece rather they are going to decide about the biggest decision of their sons’ lives. They are going to find a wife, a responsible mother not a beauty symbol or fashion icon. They should keep in mind that if that “Chand Jesi” behaves inappropriately with her or her son, she would forget all her charming looks.