It’s Not Patriarchy

I have been reading a lot about women being abused and I believe and have witnessed the abuse women go through. It’s all around me; it’s the way our society has been molded through time. When we talk about abuse it includes emotional, physical and intellectual abuse in the disguise of taking care. Yes I am talking about its suppression which is very normal in the name of being cared for. Sometimes by fathers, brothers, husbands and often by women of our own society. Most of the time we women are not abused by males (you must be wondering, she must be under some heavy drug influence because quite often she writes the opposite). I am talking about the bourgeoisie society where women are not secure or feel accomplished. On surface bosses may be the men but the power that shaped their brains are higher and influential than we think. The power is of THE ANCIENT ONE (DR.STRANGE if you are a MARVEL fan), yes mothers who shape and influence all of us. Yes all of us, us women are also influenced by our mothers too.

We women try our best to raise children as best as we can, but what we bungle is while raising a daughter, with every breath we take we teach them to be dependent. Many of us now know how but many of us don’t; so here is what I think we do wrong. First on the list are fairy tales and most prominently Disney, which has yet to take a modern twist to their stories. In the Princess and a frog, TIANA is independent financially and mentally too, I mean she needs a man but she doesn’t want one because she wants to be happy or he will fulfill her dreams. The other one is BRAVE, MADEIRA is a brave girl who has her dreams and she too doesn’t want to get married at a young age. No, I am not a Disney promoter but do you know what I admire in women and girls is mental independence. But what do we do to them after telling them fairy tales, we bind them with sentences, NAI LARKIYAAN NAI KERTI YE (no girls don’t do this/that). I know many keyboard mulla ninjas jump in and tell me that no it’s necessary otherwise how the children will know. And Islam won’t allow women to go out. To correct them it’s actually Islam which allowed women to do things or accept them as individuals. But my dear readers if you don’t want them to do it tell them it is not appropriate for kids rather than discriminating and making girls wonder why something is wrong for them but obviously okay for boys. I mean obviously, children have the sense to understand that no girl wants to wear a guard (to protect the manhood) during batting. But why stop her when she wants to play cricket. And to be honest playing on streets is equally dangerous for boys as it is for girls. Tell me if girls have higher chances of accidents on roads? Or performing on stage or being in public makes them more prone to danger then boys? Instead of teaching girls that they can’t do something and unintentionally molding their minds, induce a thought pattern that yes we can’t do it alone but who says we need boys? I agree we all need help but why from only men? Aren’t they predators on top of the hierarchy? Why can’t other women help them too? But no we feed them the morsels of YOU CAN’T DO IT ALONE from the day they start developing their minds.

I have seen grown up, healthy women going out with elderly ladies who can’t even walk straight. So how are they going to protect her if she can’t even walk alone? It is dangerous for the younger one that if fight or fly situation comes she can’t run and leave the elderly. Even boys as young as five or six going with sixteen years old so they can protect them? I know this has been already questioned in many Indian advertisements but my point is if we remove boys or men from the picture, even then we women are enough to discourage young girls. I know our urban middle class has moved from LARKO K BAGAIR KCH NAI (nothing is possible without boys) phase. But still, the psyche persists when we cover our girls out of insecurities and fear of their growing bodies instead we should be covering them because it’s our modest religious duty. I often wonder that many of us don’t even imagine boys being sexually harassed or abused. We tell our daughters don’t go out you will be in contact with bad people, you don’t know how people are, you don’t know what to do, you don’t do anything on your own full stop.

Then one day we marry her and tell her to live on her own? Even someone as young as 16-year-old girl. But we as a society won’t stop to tell her that she can’t do anything on her own because she is a woman a lowly specimen then men. When I go to the gynecologist and see women with other people who are shamelessly telling the doctor that the pregnant woman doesn’t know anything about her health. We tell our daughters that their opinion doesn’t count. Even for their own life decision they are usually not allowed to choose their studies, matrimony, jobs, how many children they want, what will be their names, where should they go for study, women are not allowed to make decisions regarding their clothing, what medical help they should seek and so on, the list is quite long. And even after feeding them all this that women are incapable of making decisions for themselves. If any woman stands out we make sure that she must be the odd one out.

I hope soon the day will come when we tell our daughters that it’s ok to be independent, it’s ok if they don’t get married, it’s ok if they get married late, it’s ok if they focus on their careers, it’s ok if they don’t want kids, it’s ok if they want to take care of their families financially, it’s ok if they raise their kids alone, it’s ok to stand for yourself, it’s ok to say no to each and everybody. Because they are as human as men are, they are as strong as men. I know men are no super species but for the world they are then it’s the battle of gender to rise from it like a leader, you don’t need anybody to lead you can be the leader to men and women. And yes women can be master of their own destiny like an average man. Women can be better than men too. We just have to tell our daughters that we all are created equal and if anybody can be better it can be only because of their virtues.

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  1. Aysha says

    Good job .Very well explained.

  2. Maria says

    You did a great job of showing the other side of abuse besides sexual and domestic and verbal. This is the abuse every woman has been through in her early years and some even continue after..

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