Sibling Rivalry

I have a baby after six years. Yes, it’s like my womb just woke up from its sleeping beauty phase and decided to go all MULAN (if you guys have watched both of these you must understand what I mean). My elder one is six years old, obviously. When I got pregnant I start preparing my only l only baby for a new addition in the family in all possible positive ways. And it uses to be like he was eagerly waiting for his sister to arrive. But for the safe side, I used to make him prepare like the baby can be a little brother. But he was all set and happy for a little girl. Getting excited about shopping in pink. When I deliver for the shock of his life the baby was a boy. He was not that happy but he put on a good show for at least I have somebody to boss around. He is my boy toy. I have his honors etc and I was so happy beyond words that how wonderfully I ace my game as a mother. Preparing him all nine months, involving him in preparations, though not much because it’s my (second child and I know all second born can relate to it) because they are not PRINCE OF WALES or PRINCESS ROYALE (Charles sister). So here I am happy and proud till the baby and his sacrifice started.

For the first time in six years, my elder son has to spend the whole day without me (without his consent otherwise he is happy to go around without me). Then people started arriving to congratulate me and here he is obviously shocked because for the first time (yeah I will keep repeating on it) he was not the center of attention. And for my shock that’s the moment when he first started misbehaving (running around in front of guests and chatting endlessly just to keep attention to himself). But when he failed and people kept holding and talking about the new baby, he tried harder till he understands within his mind of the six-year-old boy that no matter what he does limelight has gone to the new baby. So he decided to act possessive and gets angry with whoever holds him. And limiting the baby to himself gave him the other people around to himself. And here’s the realization hit me that my biggest fear has changed into reality and as the days passed by he started having anger outbursts in which he gets angry and blames it on the baby that he is your only son and favorite one etc. Even if you have ever notice love of the elder children is poking in eyes, pinch in arms or pulling hairs – it’s all unconscious hatred.

To all of you above might be nothing new but to tell you the truth it’s the very beginning of the deep-rooted issue it’s not much of an issue but rather a reality, which we ignore and make a base to an unhealthy relationship between siblings. Which later on in future come to surface and hits us with the force of TSUNAMI. You might be thinking that I am exaggerating the issue but its real. Things which we tell to ourselves or children are not helping them. We think that children have the emotional range of a teaspoon but no they don’t. It’s us who has that range. Children are capable of understanding the severity better than us. They might not know how to execute their emotions and that’s the reason we call them CHILDREN. We try to involve the child with each and everything of the new baby. Like (arey shor na machao chota baby jaag jaega) sentences like these offend children more than anything they think that now they are not able to have fun? You cannot teach the child to adapt that quickly. These kinds of adaptations take at least a few months. Forcing them to be lovey-dovey just makes the elder child to hate them even more. Because think for a second a baby was alone with you for a certain time period even the difference is of only nine months, give the child space he once shared with parents alone.

Even a dog or cat won’t share you with anyone else then how can a human child do this? He or she will gradually but not like this, I have seen cases where sometimes younger siblings feel that the older one has always been cherished and even blessed (yes and it leads to severe psychological issues, meltdown whenever stress comes in life). In some cases, the older children hate their siblings that they snatched away their parents and they can’t hold parents to themselves. There is no perfect strategy or formula to raise children but common sense (which varies, obviously). All this challenge your little heaven when your children grow up with deep-rooted issues with each other. No, no outsider has ZEHAR BHAR DIYA HAI IS K ZEHAN MAI IS KI B.V NE or KISI NE JADOO KARA DIYA HAI. There are issues he/she has with sibling’s unconscious issues which came to surface when they grow up and feel more in control. There is a space between bricks dear; nobody can enter if bricks aren’t loose. Nobody can destroy your save heaven if your children really don’t have issues in between. So stop believing that a child cannot feel or see or calculate the situation. He can and he will. It’s up to parents to understand the needs of their children, the emotional needs. Never unleash your anger on your older children just because he is older and he can understand your emotional turmoil. He didn’t sign up for the new baby, you have. So give them time to adapt, adjust not every kid is same some kids grow out of sibling rivalry but many don’t.

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4 Comments

  1. Aysha Aamir says

    Nice articke

  2. Aysha Aamir says

    Nice article

  3. Maria says

    Such a common problem. People needs such reality checks. Good effort.

    1. myeda says

      thank u

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